Hockey Page 489 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
You Can't Stop Barbaro, You Can Only Hope To Put Him Down
Expect, in the next week, Madison Square Garden to be haunted by the ghost of a rather pissed Barbaro; the overtime in the Rangers-Sabres game yesterday caused the Barbaro documentary to be postponed and rescheduled for the vastly unworthy CNBC this Friday. Jeez, why don't you just put the damned th...
Michael Bloomberg Cannot Be Bothered With Your 'Hockey'
Let it be known that Michael Bloomberg is a serious man with many important papers on his desk, and that his office has wood paneling and various brass fixtures. This leaves him little time for traditional sports wagers with other, lesser mayors....
Look Over Here! We Use Steroids, Too! Look, Dammit!
In their ongoing battle for relevancy in the world of sports, the NHL took a positive step forward yesterday, proving that their sport is cool enough to require the use of steroids. New York Islanders 37-year-old journeyman defenseman Sean Hill was busted for abusing performance enhancers....
MSG Pulling No Punches In Dance Skater Lawsuit
You might remember, from a while back, a lawsuit involving Madison Square Garden and former Rangers City Skater Courtney Prince, who claims she was fired for reporting a sexual harassment with a Garden employee. (The employee tried to talk Prince into having a threesome, which, somehow, didn't work....
Beer That Makes You SKINNY!
During the NHL Playoffs, your fans need to bust out the big guns if they're going to appropriately cheer your team onto victory. Your normal selection of Molson and elk bile isn't gonna do it; you're gonna need to start chugging the heroin beer....
Versus Still Working Out The Kinks
Late Wednesday night/Thursday morning, the Dallas Stars and Vancouver Canucks were in the midst of a four-overtime marathon game. Henrik Sedin took a pass from his brother Daniel, aimed to get a shot past Dallas goalie Marty Turco, and hey, could I interest you in the Winsor Pilates total body fitne...
NHL Western Conference Playoff Pants Party
OK, here's the second half of copyranter's NHL Playoff preview. We still haven't figured out what channel most of these games are on, by the way....
Fun With Facial Hair!
One of our favorite subplots of every NHL playoffs slate is the growing of a playoff beard. Because we didn't start puberty until we were 26, we still cannot grow a beard — honestly, we're barely a mammal — so we look at the tradition with envy. A solid playoff beard can foster team unity or, in a p...
NHL Eastern Conference Playoff Pants Party
Now that you have your playoff beards and your Molson, you should be ready for some NHL Stanley Cup Playoff action. One of the reasons we love the NHL Playoffs is that it's possible for games to last eight hours. At the end, everyone dies. Fun to watch....
Ladies And Gents, It's The NHL Playoffs
And you thought we forgot about hockey! Canuck, please!...
The Rangers Spit On Cute Girls
When there's a commercial break — yes, the NHL has sponsors! Pipe down, you! — the New York Rangers Islanders have Ice Girls clean up loose ice around the goal. They're young and cute and the fans like them, because fans like young and cute girls who are on ice....
Yeah, About That Versus Deal ...
Far be it from us to imply that the NHL might have made a mistake aligning itself with a network as shaky as Versus, but ... well ... it's not a good sign when your network might be pulled off cable right before the playoffs....
Simon Avoids The Hoosegow, And Other NHL True Crime Stories
Look, if your average office cubicle dweller went looking for trouble with a hockey stick down at Dunder-Mifflin, things would probably have turned out differently. Dwight taking a hack at Kevin's neck with a large, ax-shaped weapon most likely equals jail time. Chris Simon doing basically the same ...
Don't Give Ken Griffey Jr. Any Ideas
We've got a little bit of time before the tournament action gets underway, so let's kill time with hockey. Ted Nolan, head coach of the New York Islanders got a little creative (or uncreative, I guess) by listing Rick DiPietro as suffering from "general body soreness."...
NHL To Simon: Pack Your Crap And Get Out
Because we've never really shown it, here's the tomahawk chop by the Islanders' Chris Simon on the Rangers' Ryan Hollweg from Thursday. After mulling the attack over the weekend, the NHL doled out a 25-game suspension for Hollweg for thrusting his neck at Simon in a vicious manner. Or, no, the other...
Hey, Hockey Players: Ever Heard Of Gmail?
You know what's not a good way for a players' union to inspire its members and players to trust them? Sneaking in and reading their emails....
... Or, As The NHL Calls It, 'Thursday'
For those who like their NHL violence varied and wanton, we present Thursday's Ottawa at Buffalo matchup, which makes the Spanish Inquisition look like a tickle fight. The Sabres' 6-5 OT win featured 100 total penalty minutes, with eight penalties for fighting, four for hooking, two for instigating ...
One Sign You Definitely Can't Bring In The Rink
There are about three or four funny things happening in this 30 second clip from a commercial break during a San Jose Sharks NHL game. Here's how we rank them....
Not A Sign That Will Help You Get On TV
Just to get your wind down your Tuesday afternoon with a little crass, lowest-common-denominator business, here's a sign from a Pittsburgh Penguins game the other evening....
It's Some Sort Of All-Star Thing Tonight
If it's 8 p.m. on Versus on a Wednesday night in the middle of Super Bowl week ... well, jeez, it must be time for the NHL All-Star Game! Because of the NHL's shenanigans, we won't be seeing Rory Fitzpatrick, but we will be seeing a bunch of other people you similarly do not know. Excitement!...