Soccer Page 378 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Today In The Premiership...
• Arsenal 7-0 Middlesbrough. Holy Lord. 7-0? Did they let Arsenal use their hands? Man, there's real chance that Arsenal outscores the Chicago Bears this weekend. In fact, Thierry Henry might outscore the Bears himself, as he scored three of the seven....
We Won't Even Discuss The Virgin Islands
We know that the Swiss have an uncanny knack for avoiding trouble, and here's why: their extraordinary common sense....
Soccer Players Shouldn't Date Hot Topless Women
Our mystery soccer correspondent files this report of Chelsea soccer star Joe Cole being beaten to a pulp over a Page 3 girl (Link NSFW)....
Today In The FA Cup...
What's The FA Cup, you ask? Well, here's what I can gather, combining knowledge from my buddy Danks and a very thoughtful e-mail from a guy named Pete. The FA is the governing body of soccer in England, which covers the Premier League and all the leagues below it, which are kinda like minor league...
How To Get A Yellow Card
We tried to remain silent about this, but let's face it, we're weak. In a story that's a couple of days old by now, a youth soccer team in Orlando for a tournament got a big surprise at their hotel when they checked in and found themselves in the midst of a raunchy swingers convention. "We though...
Soccer Is More Exciting Than You Knew
We're always wary of studies put together by bored grad student types, but we feel obliged to comment on this, since pretty much everyone's sending it to us: A group of "researchers" for Los Alamos National Laboratory did a "scientific" study of the five major sports (they included soccer, for som...
The Year in Futbol
Our favorite soccer story of the year comes from Croatia, where Goran Granic, a defender for HNK Hajduk Split, announced that he would not be playing very hard this season because of his conversion to Roman Catholicism. "I'm so devoted to God now that I have started to avoid committing fouls durin...
The Story Of The Lucky Garbageman
We know we're getting a little soccer-heavy on you today, but bear with us: This is a good story....
Soccer Coaches And Their Holiday Etiquette
Our soccer correspondent informs us that the coaches of Chelsea and Arsenal are fighting again. And this is for the best reason of all. Here's his report:...
Today In The Premiership...
I don't know a whole lot about soccer, but I'm trying to learn... and I'm dragging you along with me, kicking and screaming....
Roy Keane Does The Celtic Jig
Famed Manchester United Hero-In-Exile Roy Keane has signed with Celtic until 2007, a move that could further signify the end of the Manchester United era. Our soccer expert chimes in with a report:...
Those Charming Italian Soccer Fans
Over the weekend, Italian soccer player Paolo Di Canio, upon being taken out of a game for his team Lazio, raised his right arm in an apparent Fascist salute. "I will always salute as I did yesterday because it gives me a sense of belonging to my people," Di Canio said. But that's the least of it....
Americans Excited About Handsless Event
OK, the seeds for next year's World Cup are out, and since we're one of the presumed four countries in the draw with Internet access, we're on top of the story....
Our Sport Kicks Your Sport's Ass
People keep sending this story for comment, so even though others have done so, likely with much more eloquence than us....
Manchester United Having All Kinds Of Woe
We asked our Deadspin soccer correspondent just how important Manchester United's bouncing from the Champions League really was, and he wrote this. Pretend it's in our voice, and pretend we understand this soccer stuff....
College Publishing 101
Ways to bring your community college newspaper — community colleges have newspapers? — some much-needed publicity:...
George Best, R.I.P.
As all those who didn't like to play outside as a child mourn the passing of Mr. Miyagi Pat Morita, we pause to lament the passing of one of soccer's most popular players, George Best, a guy who drank hard, played harder and never met a pair of legs he couldn't scramble up....
Keane Bolts On Man U
For those of you who have your finger on the pulse of such matters, the big shocking news this morning is that Roy Keane — a soccer player so famous that we've heard of him — has left Manchester United — the team where he served as captain — after 12 years with the team. Of course, it's the middle...
The Soccer Fatwa
Well, we suppose it was inevitable: Saudi Muslims have declared a fatwa on soccer. It's all documented in this article from the International Herald Tribune, which we found through the groovy blog Ole, Ole. Portions of the fatwa, which the Herald Tribune translated from Arabic: In the name of God...
How Not To Keep Your Small Paper Job
For a year and a half, back in the nineties, we worked on the online copy desk for a sports magazine, on the late-night shift. A large part of this job involved being the only person in the office at 1:30 in the morning, waiting for an interminable Padres-Pirates game to end, playing Minesweeper a...